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Ghosting/Avoiding/Ignoring- Who benefits in the end?

Updated: Jun 4



As we continue the conversation about the behaviors of Ghosting/Avoiding/Ignoring (GAI), let's recall the impact this behavior has on everyone involved.


When someone is the one DOING the GAI-ing, what do they gain by doing these behaviors?


Allow this question to sink in for a moment... Oftentimes, when someone does something aka takes action (which could also include the "action" of taking no action), typically there is something to gain (or a payoff) to continuing this behavior. By ghosting someone or avoiding a tough or awkward conversation or by ignoring the person/situation altogether, there is a payoff to doing so... What could that payoff be that would be so motivating someone would be compelled to continue engaging in this behavior? By exploring this idea of a "payoff," one can come closer to understanding the "why" behind this GAI trend.  


Some questions to consider:


  • What is the long term (and short term) result of ghosting (a situation or a person)?

  • How does avoiding a conversation or action impact the person doing the avoiding?

  • By ignoring, does the conflict or situation actually go away?


Ultimately, what is accomplished when one engages in the behavior of ghosting/avoiding/ignoring?



On the flip side, being on the RECEIVING end of GAI-ing, what impact does it have on your thoughts, beliefs and therefore actions about yourself?


Again, allow this question to sink in for a moment...  When you are the one being ghosted or avoided or ignored, oftentimes there could be a tendency to turn inward and start the "blame" game or the "I'm not good enough" game or the "If only" game... As encouraged above, consider what the payoff is in playing such games. What do you gain or get by allowing someone else's actions (or inactions) to have power or a grip over you? 


Some additional questions to consider:


  • When one is being ghosted, what thoughts does one start thinking about who they are to have someone ghost them? Are those thoughts empowering or disempowering?

  • To be avoided has the potential to exacerbate what belief about yourself?

  • When one is ignored what is your "go to" place, in your mind, to go? Does this place serve you in moving forward or does it give you permission to stay stuck?


Again, by being on the receiving end of this behavior, ultimately what is accomplished?


Pause. Get curious. Answer honestly. What comes up?


It's important to note... Ghosting/Avoiding/Ignoring happens both in personal relationships and within the workplace. A GAI-er could be the boss or the significant other (or anyone in between). The notion that by NOT having that uncomfortable conversation or by NOT holding that team member/employee/significant other/friend/family member accountable or by NOT expressing yourself authentically in truth and kindness in hopes that it would create a relationship (professional or personal) where both parties are fulfilled, content and mutually respected is  ___________________________ (You fill in the blank)?


Consider this... whether you are the one doing the ghosting/avoiding and/or ignoring or this behavior has been done to you, who benefits? 


ACTION STEP:


What is a courageous ACTION STEP you can take today to regain your power, to be in integrity and to ultimately find peace?

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